just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize