So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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