What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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