I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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