I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
