I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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