I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
