I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
