I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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