Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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