North Korea, Best Korea!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
