dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
