You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
