So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
