Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
