I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
