i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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