Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My balls are so social today.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
