yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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