the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
BRING THE BAGELS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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