I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
