Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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