I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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