she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
