The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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