I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize