I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
