I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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