dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
