I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
