Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
