you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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