After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
