I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
