Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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