How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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