OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize