I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
