she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
