ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
