K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
