another moral hangover. fuck.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
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Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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