smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
