My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
