If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
