oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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