Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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