You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
