he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
