Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
