my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
