if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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