I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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