I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
