i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
