I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
