There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
