My cat gives me a boner
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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