Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
