This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
