tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
